Void

Yes, yes, I haven’t updated much. Yes, I’m going to blame school.

Now, there were few things that kept me from writing or doing anything for fun at all. School is one thing (grades, papers, assignments, presentations and all that fun stuff) and I still need to fight for higher grade with my Polish teacher, English and German; the second was my brother’s wedding. Boy was it fun – I had to come back before midnight because I got so sick I had to hug the toilet for few hours.

And now I need to wait for my brother to give me back my pendrive with all my stuff which I left in my jacket. And knowing him, he’ll give it back late.

Okay, let’s finish with the negativity, shoo, shoo.

My certificate will present marvellously. And I’m not being sarcastic, no. The hard work paid off – all nighters, countless presentations etc. And really, I’m surprised. The last week of school will be, well, not really school, I presume.

With all that, I’ll wrap up and promise that soon the blog will be updated.

Noches

Hope

Sometimes bitter
another time comforting
but it’s like a medicine
hard to swallow
heals
but not always
sometimes makes everything worse
and then you have to walk
holding onto spider thread
to not fall
into a void called life

One of the first translations of my poems I’d made. Somehow, the Polish version seems more… poetic? Deep? I love this piece, though – it comes deep from within my heart that was very, very dark at that time.

The poem is short – that’s what I specify in, I suppose.

Noches

Global Education

Today was very interesting in school. We had workshop which name was “Global Education” and basically the man was guiding me and my class through the subjects such as: poverty, poor South and rich North, what can we do to prevent the exploitation of workers on plantations, the collocation of people and distribution of food in the world…

This class really opened my eyes to different problems that touches the world because of globalization. The worst moment was the distribution of food. We had to group into different continents (guess how many people needs to be put on one continent) and then we got candies to distribute throughout the continents. The thing was, that we had to “become” the people from different parts of the world and take candies.

There were 2 people in South America, 1 person in North America, 3 in Europe, 4 in Africa, 13 in Asia and the distribution went like this: N. America took 3 candies, South America took 6 candies, Europe took 10, Asia took 22 and Africa got 3 because that’s what was left.

Now, let’s look at some mathematics, shall we?

North America: 3/1, South America: 6/2, Europe: 10/3, Asia: 22/13, Africa: 3/4

So in N. America there are 3 candies per person, in S. America there are 2 candies per person, in Europe 3,3 candies per person, in Asia 1,68 candy per person and finally in Africa, 0,75 candy per person.

This is horrible, isn’t it? And there is the worst part: continents with smaller amount of candies are in fact providers of said sweets (it’s a metaphor for food, of course).

What of it? North America and Europe take everything from poorer parts of the world but they don’t give anything in return.

The class showed how Eurocentric our way of thinking is. We like to think stereotypically because that’s easier. It made me reflex on the way I live – and however harsh the assumption may be, I still need to learn a lot. The more I know, the less sure I am of what I actually know.

It was a good day.

The test of death

… wasn’t actually test of death. I didn’t die and I managed to write it – I hope I will have a good grade.

Ah yes, grades. I always say that they don’t matter. I’m saying the truth, they don’t really show how much do you know, they don’t show your true abilities. Typical Polish student has a way of triple Z thinking “zakuj, zdaj, zapomnij” which can roughly translate to “learn, pass, forget”. Now, how sad it is?

When I was a kid, I loved to learn new things! I was curious about life and world, I wanted to explore and know. Then I went to school – first few years weren’t so bad. But when the first grade appeared (which was good, I must admit) I thought: “Why am I studying? For grades or for knowledge?”. I wish I could say the latter.

Children are curious and they want to learn! Teens are not lazy, they just have so much work that they stop caring about school. Sadly, I became that person who just goes to school because I have to. I wish I could go to school with desire to learn and to know.

Now, who is to blame? Teachers? No, they are only doing what they have to do. They get subjects they have to complete. Students? No, they would learn if they were interested. System? Probably. Can we change it? Probably not.

The sadness of what I’m trying to say is, school ruins the desire to posses knowledge. You need to learn because you need to pass. I hate that.

Noches

Poetry

Poetry – something I wish I had more time to dedicate. I guess I can call it my hobby, after all, I had written few poems which “gave people chills” – in a good way.

The fun with poetry started not so long ago – December last year, perhaps. I then sat down thinking how should I procrastinate next… And then it came to me: of course I can write depressing poems to make myself feel even sadder! I proceed to write random words that actually make sense (I promise you that this is how poets work, I swear on my pen!) and I suddenly had over twenty poems written. Of course, they were Polish, very Bolesław Leśmian styled… No rhymes, because I hate them. I think rhymes sometimes make the poem too childish… and I can’t rhyme well. My inner adult is against that.

Most of my poems come from very dark chapters of my life. Very personal, very sad – sometimes even philosophical. I write about love, but not only that, no. I write about life and how pointless it may seem sometimes. The inevitability of death, the passing memory that is not guarded by people or stones… It’s all there. There is a poem about body – how faulty it can be (a tribute to Leelah Alcorn, perhaps?), how terrible it is to be trapped in something so stiff that can’t be changed so soon…

To summarize: poetry is my hobby but it keeps me alive at my lowest moments. I’m glad I picked it up along with writing prose.

I start to think that I could even write essays! Stop me before I spill more nonsense in more scientific words!

Noches

P.S. I do think I could upload some translated poems. Is that a good idea?

Welcome

Hello!

My name is Paulina and I created this blog mainly to upload my original story titled “In the darkness”. I will add character profiles for reference, a link to timeline (once I make it readable) and chapters, that are (hopefully) after beta-read. I’m still looking for a beta reader though, so before I upload any chapter of the story I need to find appropriate person to critique and tell me how to improve.

I’m not a published writer, but I do intent to become one someday. But that’s still long way to go.

Since I’m still a student, I can’t spend much time writing, especially not at this moment (school work, tiring end of the year)… I hope I can keep up with updating.

I’m very tired now, and the endless pile of homework is looking at me procrastinating, so before it eats me, I should put myself together and do it. Oh, the glorious test of the death coming tomorrow.

Thank you for reading, hope you will enjoy my blog and stay tuned for updates on the story.

Noches